Hardest Thing Ever

This past weekend I made the decision to run an Ultra Ragnar with some fellow friends.   Six of us, Jeff, Laura, Carrie, Josh, and Randy, stuffed ourselves into a vehicle to run 200 miles as a team.  Seems like a wonderful idea at the time.   Little did I know that I would be pushing myself to the limit.

I have never in my life ran 40 miles in a weekend. EVER.  This was going to be a true testament of me and my physical capabilites.  I was questioning whether I should have even done this.  I am not designed to run fast, and as time progresses I get slower and slower.

My first leg was a killer a loop around Dillion resivior with a lovely hill climb in the first two miles.  As the running started I was fine, but as I started doing the hills, I knew it was one of those days in which my body was angry.  I wanted to cry.   I can’t control the days my body won’t work or things hurt for no reason.  I didn’t want to let me team down because I failed at what I signed up to do.

I cried while running up the hill, because I knew I was going to be slower than I planned and for me that was a big disappointment to myself.   I wanted to go faster and knew on a good day I could.   But my body says not today sister not today.

I was slower than planned on that leg and reality set in that its going to be a long race.

I had fantastic team mates, that we all agreed that our pace wasn’t the reason we were here.  We were here because we wanted to try and push ourselves to the limit and not try over doing it.   I am thankful for them and cannot tell them enough.

As the race progressed and we all finished legs, the mileage started racking up.  My body started becoming more and more angry.  My hip hurt so much and I didn’t want anyone to notice or know that I was hurting.  I couldn’t let them down.   I chose to run the most miles, and wanted to stick to that no matter how much it hurt.

It’s an internal struggle for me, I hold myself to such high standards, that not acheiving what I wanted to isn’t easy.  I wanted to have a faster pace, but just couldn’t do it, no matter how hard I was pushing myself.

So the legs I ran were slower than planned.

My last leg was 10.5 miles progressively uphill towards the entrance to Snowmass.   I knew I was going to be worried about this one and it was going to be painful to say the least.  I didn’t want to show my weakness in pain but I am fairly certain my teammates noticed me limping.  I didn’t want to call attention to the fact I was scared I couldn’t do the last ten miles.   One of my teammates Jeff volunteered to run/walk the last leg with me to make sure I finished and I think distract me from that pain.   And I honestly have to say it helped.   I kept going despite the pain, and the desire to just sit down.   He helped get me to that exchange point and for that I am forever thankful.

My team was amazing, we laughed until we cried.  We watched a pizza, banana, superman, a unicorn, and a t-rex run.  And hell we were on an ultra team and still having fun.

This was a memorable experience to say the least.

I reached the exchange where my banana, Laura, was waiting for me.   Seeing them I was able to run the last little bit and finish the hardest race I have ever attempted in my life.   I finished.  I almost collapsed upon finishing my legs were so done.

After I finished I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this again, but now I do.  i want to do better I don’t want to let my team mates down because I ran slower than planned.

I want to push myself harder again so that I can achieve things my doctors told me I couldn’t.

This next weekend I will be traveling to Hawaii to run a trifecta in a weekend.  This will be another challenge to my body to prove that I can do it.  To achieve my third trifecta of the year.

This next weekend will be another challenge and will have more to write about and lots of pictures!!! Until next time!

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