Pushing beyond your comfort zone

As many of you are aware on Saturday I took part in a 12 hour limit finder challenge. Yes that’s not a mistyping 12 hours to find who you are and what you are truly capable of. You see for me this was something I had to do. I couldn’t let an opportunity like this be passed up.

I woke up Saturday morning at 230 AM to finish my packing and head to Walker Ranch Trail to begin something I never thought I could do. I was nervous as all hell. I know I push my boundaries on a daily basis, that’s who I am. I push beyond what I thought was possible and discover things about me I never knew. Saturday was going to be the same thing, I knew my body was going to fight me. I knew I would make the lupus very angry but I didn’t care I was going to do this. As we started I had a lot of thoughts running through my head.

I know many individuals who are diagnosed with lupus or RA are crippled by the disease and what it does to your body. The disease wins In many cases. Many feel so frustrated and upset that they give up. I once have been in that mind frame. I didn’t want to go on living in excruciating pain. I didn’t want to hurt very single day of my life because my own body was out to kill me. I was miserable.

As I said many thoughts ran through my head, was I going to finish, was I going to cry or even possibly give up. I know I am no where near the physical shape many of the men and women that did the challenge with me. I know this, it’s no bring that. And for that I was scared and beyond worried. I wanted to be able to prove that I can, not just for me but for any individual who has a chronic disease.

We started on the trail bright and early at 6 am, little did I know what was ahead of me. In the back of my head I knew already that within a short amount of time my hips or knees would hurt. The lupus has attacked those with anger. I had to mentally prepare myself for what was to come. As we headed out I struggled with my ruck and it’s position. It was sitting heavy on my shoulders( pun on that in a minute). We reached a gnarly stair case and the hip at this point was beginning to get pissed off. David who ran this challenge has ran with me and apparently is able to read this on my face alone. I’m not one to complain, after Saturday I came to find out I am pretty damn stubborn. I was not going to let someone help me you see that’s weakness. This challenge was not only physically but mental for me. I am a very stubborn person. I will not ask for help but keep to myself and push on. Yes I know I’m not fast but I’m doing things most lupus patients would never dream of. As the pain increased many including Shay and Megan asked if I needed help. I wasn’t going to let them. I needed to do this, I had to prove that lupus wasn’t going to have the upper hand. I know I am not fast and that is something I still struggle with accepting. I want to be and desire that more than anyone can understand. After the first WOD of the day I finally let Shay carry my ruck and I carried hers for a little bit. This allowed the hip some relief. I didn’t allow this to happen for long. That’s weakness !

After picking up my rock, Stoney, we did another work out with the rocks including squat presses and tosses. You became one with the rock. We headed on the trail again knowing there was much more to come. I was in pain at this point a lot actually my right hip was screaming at me, asking what in the hell are you doing. But I rucked on. I kept quiet and thought a lot. I thought about where I was not too long ago and where I am today. That alone pushed me to continue.

As we reached one of our five minute breaks, yes that’s all we get five minutes. Megan helped stretch my hip, as I laid face first on the ground I couldn’t let anyone know how much I was hurting, and hell we had barely started. It was like my body knew what I was going to do for the day. The stretching despite hurting like hell, helped so much. As David continues to push us I was still struggling with my ruck and weight. Being the over acheiver I am my sand bag was slightly on the heavier side. But I didn’t want help, I was obviously in pain to the others with me, they basically had to pry the ruck off of me to give me a break.

We approached the river! I love water, always have. I knew we were going to do something in it! We walked up the river against the current while weighted and rucks on. I was ready I was going to not give up, at this point I had made the decision based on a lot of recommendations to take some weight out of my ruck. I hated doing this; and this is one of the many reasons I almost feel like I don’t deserve my patch. I saw this as giving in. But I did it for my health and desire to finish. We did a WOD in the river, it was refreshing and amazing! I was having a blast in the water almost fully submerged 🙂 and sharing the love by splashing all of those who weren’t getting in all the way. This felt great on the hip! I was all about push ups and planks in the river! I can only whine what the people that saw us thought!

I knew we were going to have to carry on and I wanted that sandbag back in my ruck because I don’t quit I don’t give up. They wouldn’t let me for my own well being, I am pretty sure that moment right there was probably the hardest thing for me that day. I had a mental battle with myself because still to this moment I felt like I let myself down. I was giving in to the disease that I hate so much. You see many times I hate my body, it doesn’t work like everyone else’s. Michael noted that when I walk my knees turn in, yep that’s the lupus killing the joint and tissue but I will push on. I know my knees will eventually have to be replaced, I know my hips will too. It’s not fair to be 29 years old and your body not work the way it’s supposed to, but I realize that this is my mission my life. My motto in life is that God only will give us what we can handle, and some days I’m not sure what he was thinking because the lupus alone has wore me down. But I come back every time. I still don’t want to be seen as weak, it kills me that I just can’t do things as quickly or effectively as others.

As they gave me a break we headed back to the cars to refill water, we suffered a “casualty” we weren’t paying attention and left Shay behind. They had to carry her, so I took on three rocks to help the team out. I’m prett sure that gave me more confidence to continue.

We got a little bit longer break this time, my body needed it. I was in pain but couldn’t let others know. My sandbag ended up being left at the cars. I’m telling you hardest thing to accept ever! This was the mental battle that I am going to have to accept, had I kept it I am pretty sure I would have pushed myself to the point where I couldn’t finish or walk. Back on the trail again, bear crawling down the trail. I knew already at this point In the day I was probably the weakest one there and I Hated this. I hate the feeling knowing I’m weak.

As we continued on the lesser weight helped the Hip I wasn’t in as much pain and able to continue. More WODS and trail hiking continued. At this point a lot was a blur not going to lie but the next biggest thing was to carry this not so light log up the steeper part of the trail as a team, it was quite heavy. I ok with carrying heavy as long as I have it positioned correctly, at this point I pushed my hip pain to the back of my head, my team needed me. No more letting the lupus win.

We got that log up the hill, and did great as a team figuring out the best approach, including Megan twerking! Dmitrey was also a great help, he helped with my ruck when I needed that break and was always on the look out for others ! We were approaching the end of our day, ours bodies hated us and wanted to be done. We we reached the take a break point Megan helped me and stretched the hip one more time. We were going to
Finish as a team!

Knowing the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter helped so much ! We rucked our way back to the point where we started. I’m still being super quiet and thinking this whole time, I was doing something I never thought I could. 12 hours straight of working out with a ruck. This is no walk in the park, but what I do for fun.

As we approached the vehicles, we had paused on the trail for a moment. Laura came up to me and said “girl, I am so proud of everything you have done today!” I hadn’t cried at all up to this point she almost had me there. You see I up till that point wasn’t proud, I had to leave weight behind and not finish the way I started. Laura made me realize I had achieved something. I needed to finish with a smile on my face, no tears.

Finishing was the best feeling ever! Our last WOD included burpees and I love me some burpees, yes I know I am not normal! I did extra! Couldn’t resist that!

This is in total what we did:

2.5 hour, 14 mile endurance training with COR teammates @ 7,100-7,300 ft elevation
~35# ruck mandatory (6 bricks + all provisions)

5 (dry land) Crossfit type WODs including: 95 burpees, ~250 squats, 100lunge twists, 30 rucked push-ups, 100 push-ups w/o ruck, side lunges, jumping jacks, 100 thrusters with boulders, 100 overhead presses w boulders, 100 over-shoulder boulder tosses, 100+ Russian twists

30 minute hike in water (ruck on/off)

30 minutes of river yoga

20 minutes physical training in river

2 separate occasions of log carries (45 minutes x 2) up steep, rocky terrain

~4 miles of carrying single boulder while attempting time hack (time cutoff to locations) w ruck

Casualty carry

Poem memorization

We finished as a team with everyone, we had bonded and became much closer out there that day. we all acheived something to be damn proud of.

I can honestly say that everyone was amazing! It was an honor to do this with all of you! I still need redemption with the sand bag and will have it one day. I will do it again and keep the weight


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One Response to "Pushing beyond your comfort zone"

  • Awesome job!

    1 Kent Larson said this (September 2, 2014 at 12:39 pm) Reply

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