A 12 hour challenge Say What??

I am back at it again.  That’s right this Saturday I will be doing a crazy 12-hour work out extravaganza.   This type of a challenge will not only test me mentally but physically as well.   A lot has been going through my head in preparation for this challenge.   Some of the better thoughts have been reflections of where I am now and where I was not too long ago.   To go from not being able to walk with out stopping often.  I had to use a handicapped placard because walking from the parking lot to the grocery store wore me out.  I couldn’t do it without being in tears, and giving up and not getting the groceries I needed.   I was embarrassed at what my own body was doing to me.  I was upset that the doctors couldn’t figure out how to treat the Lupus and RA.    I was frustrated that I was suffering so much and there is so little research out there to help treat this disease and many others.  You see, up until this point I hadn’t realized how poorly funded medical research was.   I didn’t realize that the unknown diseases are “forgotten” and pushed aside.   I was bitter, angry, and truly not happy.  But you see I put on a face that I was.  I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through.  I didn’t want people to know I was suffering.  I didn’t want people to know that I cried myself to sleep on so many nights.    My best friend Nikki and Kristy, knew and went through much of that with me.  I remember a time when I had to call Kristy to take me to the hospital, the front door of the house I lived in locked and she had to watch me cry and try to make my way down two flights of stairs not being able to help me.

Today, however, I am not that person.  I have realized that in order to fight you must be strong.  You must be resilient and not let the little things get you down.  You have another day to live, another day to be successful and achieve your dreams.  I run a lot of races and enjoy every second.  I push myself to knew limits and beyond what I thought I couldn’t do.   Its amazing what you are able to push yourself to when you have the determination to not let some silly disease get you down.  I DO NOT want to let my disease get me down.  I can’t and I won’t.

So yes, on Saturday I will be doing this yet again.   I will inevitably push myself to the breaking point.   In 12 hours of a challenge I will go through so many emotions.  You see, I am not doing this for anyone else but myself.  Call me selfish if you must.   I don’t want to boast after I have completed any of my achievements.  I won’t brag about my achievements.  I want to do this for me alone.   I need to do this for me alone.  During the challenge I know I will get super quiet and think in depth about everything in my life.  I will think about my family who has seen me struggle with the disease I have and know they realize how much happier I am now.   I will think about my friends who have been supporting me through thick and through thin.   Then I will reflect back on myself.  This will allow me to get through a challenge like this.  This will allow me to push myself.   There will be tears.   But then I will realize that there is not reason to cry.  I can do whatever I put my mind to.   I challenge myself and I achieve what I put my mind to.

So yes, a 12 hour challenge may seem completely crazy.  I won’t be alone in this challenge, I will be with many other crazies like myself.   I most likely will be doing this for many different reasons than every other person at the challenge.  I will achieve this for me alone.   Not to post on facebook, not to make others jealous.  NO! This is for me.

Pushing your “limits” is a necessary in life.  I find that this is the best way to live and enjoy it.  I will not go through life regretting a decision I made.

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