I Am Thankful I Ended up With Lupus

Odd, that you may hear me say that I am thankful that I ended up with Lupus.   A chronic disease that has no cure.   A disease that is debilitating and painful in so many ways.  But you see that disease has made me who I am today.   It has made me stronger and a fighter.   It has shaped me into the woman I am today.

Fighting a chronic illness that doctors can’t control makes life difficult.   I was in constant pain, imagine getting used to EVERYTHING hurting all the time.   That’s the first 4 years of being diagnosed.  I just got used to hurting all the time, dealt with it.  Was angry and had a lot of hatred in my heart.   I was mad and didn’t understand why I got this disease.   I questioned the person I was asking why did I deserve this.   It took a lot of time and a lot of growing to realize that God had a plan for me.   He wanted me to get lupus to help others, and more importantly become a stronger woman.

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When I hit the realization that I needed to fight, my life did a 360.    I no longer spent my weekends curled up on the couch, crying, and in pain.   Instead I pushed and cried my way through painful workouts.   I raced, and I may have been one of the last people out there, but I was fighting a battle.    This battle was not easy in beginning.   I would put on a smile after the race, but I was in so much pain that I didn’t want anyone to know.   My body was fighting back, but I had a stronger will power to beat its ass to the ground 😉

I often reflect on who I was when I was first diagnosed.   I was the girl that the hospital staff knew on a first name basis.   I knew about their families and what their kids were up to.   I spent so much of my college and a couple years after in the hospital it was depressing.   During that time, not once did I think I would be able to run, exercise, and enjoy what God has to offer in this world.

Now looking back I have realized that the very difficult times I went through for so many years made me one hell of a fighter.  Now you present me with a challenge and I will gladly take it.  I spend my weekends being active, I spend my free time working out.   I have become stronger and healthier.    I am amazed what racing and the racing community has done for me.   I am thankful for all the people I have met through racing.    Those who have pushed me to limits and well beyond them.   Those who have touched my life in ways that words can’t even explain.

I have met and helped many with lupus and chronic illnesses and for me that is one of  the biggest wins of it all.   Because I know at one point in time in my life, I was in their shoes, thinking life was over and I had to deal with the hand given to me.

I have more goals for this up coming year.   Some may seem completely outlandish, but why the hell not.  I only have one life to live.  I might as well enjoy it as much as I possibly can.  So yes I am going to push myself, continue pushing myself.  8bca16633b3ef6508081bd14d94777b2


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