What’s your Why?

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Recently I have noticed on my facebook feed that many are always trying to one up another in the racing community.   For me that was never a thought.   I didn’t want to one up a fellow racer, because I am fighting a battle of my own that I am the least bit concerned about beating another human being at something they are trying to do.

So I ask, What’s your Why?

Why do you race?  Why do you motivate?  Why do you help others?  Why?

Loaded questions you may say but its the heart of who we are and why we do what we do, no matter what that may be.  No matter if you just started racing or are a seasoned veteran.   The why behind should be more important than impressing others.   I don’t race to impress others, I race to prove to myself that I can.   I race to help others who struggle with the “can I do it”.   I race because I have found that God gave me lupus so I can help others.

Yes I realize that may sound wrong, but to me it is not.  I am ok with the mission I have on this earth.  I love that racing and working out has almost put my lupus into remission.   To understand that I finally have control of the disease that was killing me is something that makes me want to race more and become healthier.   That healthier word was a word that I never thought I would have in my vocabulary after I was diagnosed 9 years ago.

Yes I love my race medals, they prove to my doctors and non-believers that you can fight lupus with racing, working out, and eating healthy.

So when I post about my success is because for me its a success.    I could barely walk at one time in my life.   I remember my friend Kristy coming to pick me up to take me to the hospital because I was so sick and I couldn’t walk down ONE flight of stairs….I had to crawl to the stairs and sit down and scoot down every single one of them as Kristy watched from the front door which was locked.   I was 22 when that happened.  Young and unable to move because my body was trying to kill me.

I NEVER want to go back to that.   I NEVER want to have to live in a hospital again, although all the hospital staff I have ever dealed with are amazing.   I want to be stronger, healthier, and better.

I am finally taking full responsibility for my life and where I want it to go.   The lupus isn’t in control, and I will live my life with no regrets.   I have a passion, some may call it an addiction, well so be it.  I am addicted to being healthy because I never want to be sick again.

Yes I know I am not the fastest or look anywhere near the athletic type, but I have the heart behind be that will drive me to try, even if I have to crawl.  But I will not give up.   I will not give in.

This weekend I am taking on something that I have never done before.   I am attempting a Road Ragnar Ultra, where I will be running over 40 miles.   This will push my limits for sure.   I have never done that many miles in a weekend, let alone in one single race.   But no matter what, I am not going to let anyone do the miles for me.  I am on a team but this will be an internal battle, the one I need to prove to myself that “screw you lupus, I win”.

Yes I am sure and know for a fact that my lupus is going to be angry but you know what?  I am still going to finish.   I will cross the finish line with my team and ensure that we all get through it!

 


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