No I am not Faking It ………

As many of you know I ended up at the hospital last night with severe back and chest pain.  I have a history of pulmonary embolisms, blood clots in my lungs.   I was worried and it felt like the same thing.   Not wasting any time as blood clots are no joking manner, I made the decision later last night to go to the Emergency Room.   As a safety precaution to ensure that I didn’t have a clot.

Now, the whole chronic illness thing.  Yes, I have been sick multiple times and have made multiple trips to the ER.  Yes, a good majority of the time you have to give me heavier medicine to allow the pain to subside and my body to simply calm down.  However, NO I am not a drug addict looking for a fix.  I am Spartan racer, who would love with all my heart to be cured so that I don’t have to have these battles that cause me to go to the hospital.

It’s sad to say that every time I walk into the hospital room, I get judged for being there or having been there in the past.  I know you can see my history, and truly hate being judged for something when the chronic illness I have will sometimes cause me to be there.

Last night I definitely didn’t have a problem with the doctors and PA.  They both were amazing and concerned about my health and well being.  Yes, I know its the emergency room.  I also am very observant.  You were not busy, considering the nurses could stand in the middle of the hallway and talk about your dog peeing in places he shouldn’t for a good ten minutes.  My nurse is where I had an issue.  In order to diagnose clots there are several requirements.  There is a indicator in your blood, which mine came back high, go figure right?  Then they send you to CAT scan and inject iodine in you to see what’s going on.  Before this happened my nurse administered a muscle relaxer and pain medication.   I was told she would be back in with 15-20 minutes to check on me.   This dose didn’t touch my pain, you see my pain threshold is ridiculously high, so when I hurt, and I admit that I hurt, its bad.   She didn’t show up for almost another hour to even check on me.   No poke your head in the room nothing.  At which point in time I told her I was still hurting.  She asked me if I was sure I needed something else and reminded these are heavy drugs.   I asked to talk to the doctor who issued the drugs as I laid there, it took the nurse 30 minutes to get back to me.  With her comment of I guess she listened to you and gave you something more this time.  Comments like that hurt my heart.  I am not there to get drugs, I detest drugs.  I would love to NEVER EVER EVER have to take another drug ever again in my life.  This whole ordeal took some time considering how quickly my nurse was moving along.   I know there were no ambulance arrivals as they announce it and plenty of open rooms as it was a slower night.  You see I am a professional at paying attention to my surroundings, especially when in pain, you can’t sleep or calm down.  Every inch of your body is screaming and you are on full alert.  Going to leave she did a similar thing in arguing about more medicine, at which point I just wanted to go home and rest.  Despite still being in pain.

But I digress, I don’t think a good majority of the medical profession understand some of the chronic illnesses.   I wish they would.   I am far from a drug addict.  Sometimes that is the only thing I have though to get my lupus back in check and slap it back into reality.   I explained what lupus was to four medical professionals last night: 3 nurses and an imaging tech.  I was able to give thorough descriptions and effects of the disease.   Oh wait I have my degree in Electrical Engineering, that’s right I don’t work in the medical field, but can explain what’s going on.   I don’t like being judged for the disease I have.   And I have many nurse friends who are AWESOME and know would never treat a patient in this way.  Despite what is going on with them.  However, there are those out there that do and it hurts the patient.

I wish more awareness would be made about lupus.  I wish more people would know what it is and what it does to your body.  I fight for this awareness every single race.  I will continue to do so.  The racing will get me off the drugs and medicine so I don’t have to go back to the emergency room and be in pain.

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